So confused

I've been keeping a big dark secret for quite some time. It's not that I don't trust anyone, but, yeah okay I don't trust anyone!! However, I am at a point where I just neeeeed to talk about it. Hear what everyone has to say. Afterall, we are all different and certainly share different perspectives on life.

Here it is....

For awhile now hubby and I have toyed with the idea of moving back to Calgary. It isn't one of those we hate Mexico and can't believe we live here situations. No, no. Our situation is quite unique compared to others. For starters, I am a caregiver to my stepmom Joy who I love to death. I am not her sole caregiver, we work as a team, but it is a unique situation. I am not "free" to do as other expats are. Heck, I don't even write about it in fear she reads my blog and feels as if she's a burden.

The reality is her health is deteriorating quicker than we had hoped or imagined. Joy is an amazing person who was hoping to challenge this disease long enough so that she would be able to live in Mexico which was always a goal for her. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed at the young age of 50 and the goal of "retiring" in paradise was expedited. Joy and my father decided to move here and enjoy whatever time Joy had/has left. Well, the time is coming where they need to return in the weeks to come as feeding tubes, etc... Are going to be a reality.

With that in mind, do I stay here in Cancun? Or do I go back to Canada and be there with them? This is not my only reason believe me. I am thinking long-term. I am not yet 30 years old, however, I am planning for my future. I am thinking savings, government pension, benefits, company pension, free health care. My list could go on and on. These are all huge for me. Canada offers me stability, and security. Most people I know here laugh at the thought of ever owning their own home, buying a new car, savings and I mean real savings. I'm not saying everyone I know is like this, but a lot are.

On the other hand, Mexico is my new home. I am growing to love it more and more as time passes. Sure there are still things I loathe, but -20 is not looking so great right now. We have fantastic friends here in Cancun. I am afforded the time to spend with them as I work from home for a family business. I don't make good money (at all), however, I have time. I am able to spend the day with my dogs, family, friends whenever I please. In Canada that is not a reality. Traffic, work, life events all get in the way.

I am truthfully just blabbering, I know. One day soon I will have to sit down and really write about this. Really get into my true feelings, and really dig deep. I don't want to mention this to my friends back home as the news will spread from "I'm thinking about moving back" to "OMG they are moving back". I just can't deal with my mom's dissapointment in case we don't!!! So fortunately for me this is my canvas to let it all out.

What are all your thoughts? For all you other expats what do you think?? For those of you who are thinking about, or have thought about moving abroad, what do you think??

Again, just a bunch of blabbering....My apologies if I did not make any sense. That is just me trying to make sense of this all.

***Also, here is an address for Joy's story, and some information on ALS http://www.hopeforjoy.ca/ ***